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有媽的孩子像塊寶,沒媽的孩子像根草。“世上有許許多多失去母親的孤兒,他們不能像擁有母愛的孩子那般幸福,就像文中的主人公一樣。缺少了母愛的灌溉,孩子往往會對社會失去信心,甚至?xí)员┳詶墶N闹械闹魅斯遣恍业�,因為她沒有親人的關(guān)愛;而她無疑又是幸運的,因為她遇到了一位好母親。母親對她疼愛有加,寬容以待,使她重拾了自信,享受到這份遲來的快樂。 I lay on the floor, furiously1 kicking my legs and screaming until my throat felt raw—all because my foster mother had asked me to put my toys away. “I hate you,” I shrieked. I was six years old and didn‘t understand why I felt so angry all the time. I‘d been living in foster care since I was two. My real mom couldn’t give my five sisters and me the care we needed. Since we didn‘t have a dad or anyone else to care for us, we were put in different foster homes. I felt lonely and confused. I didn’t know how to tell people that I hurt inside. Throwing a tantrum was the only way I knew to express my feelings. Because I acted up, eventually my current foster mom sent me back to the adoption agency, just as the mom before had. I thought I was the most unlovable girl in the world. Then I met Kate McCann. I was seven by that time and living with my third foster family when she came to visit. When my foster mother told me that Kate was single and wanted to adopt a child, I didn‘t think she’d choose me. I couldn‘t imagine anyone would want me to live with them forever. That day, Kate took me to a pumpkin2 farm. We had fun, but I didn‘t think I’d see her again. A few days later, a social worker came to the house to say that Kate wanted to adopt me. Then she asked me if I‘d mind living with one parent instead of two. “All I want is someone who loves me, ” I said. Kate visited the next day. She explained that it would take a year for the adoption to be finalized, but I could move in with her soon. I was excited but afraid, too. Kate and I were total strangers. I wondered if she‘d change her mind once she got to know me. Kate sensed my fear. “I know you‘ve been hurt, ”she said, hugging me. “I know you’re scared. But I promise I‘ll never send you away. We’re a family now.” To my surprise, her eyes were filled with tears. Suddenly I realized that she was as lonely as I was! “Okay …… Mom, ” I said. The following week I met my new grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins. It felt funny—but good—to be with strangers who hugged me as though they already loved me. When I moved in with Mom, I had my own room for the first time. It had wallpaper and a matching bedspread, an antique dresser and a big closet. I had only a few clothes I‘d brought with me in a brown paper bag. “Don’t worry,” Mom said. “I‘ll buy you lots of pretty new things.” I went to sleep that night feeling safe. I prayed I wouldn‘t have to leave. Mom did lots of nice things for me. She took me to church. She let me have pets and gave me horseback riding and piano lessons. Every day, she told me she loved me. But love wasn‘t enough to heal the hurt inside me. I kept waiting for her to change her mind. I thought, “If I act bad enough, she’ll leave me like the others.” So I tried to hurt her before she could hurt me. I picked fights over little things and threw tantrums when I didn‘t get my way. I slammed doors. If Mom tried to stop me, I’d hit her. But she never lost patience. She‘d hug me and say she loved me anyway. When I got mad, she made me jump on a trampoline3. Because I was failing in school when I came to live with her, Mom was very strict about my homework. One day when I was watching TV, she came in and turned it off. “You can watch it after you finish your homework,” she said. I blew up. I picked up my books and threw them across the room. “I hate you and I don‘t want to live here anymore!” I screamed. I waited for her to tell me to start packing. When she didn‘t, I asked, “Aren’t you going to send me back?” “I don‘t like the way you’re behaving, ”she said, “but I‘ll never send you back. We’re a family, and families don‘t give up on each other.” Then it hit me. This Mom was different; she wasn‘t going to get rid of me. She really did love me. And I realized I loved her, too. I cried and hugged her. In 1985, when Mom formally adopted me, our whole family celebrated at a restaurant. It felt good belonging to someone. But I was still scared. Could a mom really love me forever? My tantrums4 didn‘t disappear immediately, but as months passed, they happened less often. Today I‘m 16. I have a 3.4 grade point average, a horse named Dagger’s Point, four cats, a dog, six doves and a bullfrog5 that lives in our backyard pond. And I have a dream: I want to be a veterinarian. Mom and I like to do things together, like shopping and horseback riding. We smile when people say how much we look alike. They don‘t believe she’s not my real mom. I‘m happier now than I ever imagined I could be. When I’m older, I‘d like to get married and have kids, but if that doesn’t work out, I‘ll adopt like Mom did. I’ll pick a scared and lonely kid and then never, ever give up on her. I‘m so glad Mom didn’t give up on me. 我躺在地板上,瘋狂地蹬腿和狂叫,直到聲音嘶啞,這都是因為我的養(yǎng)母非要我把玩具收起來。 “我恨你。”我尖叫著,當(dāng)時我六歲,不明白我為什么那么生氣。 我兩歲時被人收養(yǎng)。生母不能給予我們姐妹六人所需要的照顧。我們也不能靠父親或是其他人來照料,于是我們被送到不同的養(yǎng)父母家里。我感到孤獨、煩惱,不知道怎么跟別人訴說我內(nèi)心的傷痛。發(fā)脾氣成了我宣泄情感的唯一途徑。 因為我很調(diào)皮,最終,我現(xiàn)在的養(yǎng)母又把我送回了收養(yǎng)所,正如我先前的那位母親一樣。我覺得自己確實是一個最不可愛的女孩。 于是,我見到凱特 麥肯。那時我七歲,她來看我時,我正跟我的第三任養(yǎng)父母住在一起。養(yǎng)母告訴我,凱特單身,想收養(yǎng)一個孩子,我不知道她會選擇我。我無法想象有人會愿意讓我跟他們永遠(yuǎn)生活在一起。 那天,凱特帶著我去了南瓜農(nóng)場。我們玩得很快樂,但我沒想到能再次見到她。 幾天過去了,一位社工到家里說,凱特想收養(yǎng)我。于是她問我是否介意住在單親家庭。 “我就是想要一個愛我的人。”我回答。 第二天,凱特來看我。她解釋說正式的收養(yǎng)手續(xù)要一年時間,但是我可以很快就搬過去。我有些激動而又害怕。我想知道她在了解我之后,是否會改變主意。 凱特感覺到了我的恐懼。“我知道你受過傷,”她說著抱住了我。“我知道你很恐懼,但是我發(fā)誓決不會趕你走�,F(xiàn)在我們是一家人了。” 出乎我的意料,她的眼中充滿淚水。忽然我意識到,她跟我一樣寂寞! “嗯……媽媽。”我叫道。 后來的幾個星期里,我見過了我的新祖父母、姑媽、叔叔和堂兄妹們。我感覺很滑稽,但是很好,那么多人擁抱我,他們好像已經(jīng)愛上我了。 當(dāng)我搬到媽媽家時,第一次有了自己的房間。墻紙和配套的床單、古老的梳妝臺和大衣櫥。我的棕色紙箱里,只有很少的幾件衣服,“不用擔(dān)心,”媽媽說,“我會買許多新的東西給你。” 我睡了,整晚都睡得很舒服。我祈求上帝不要讓我離開這兒。 媽媽為我做了許多美好的事。她帶我去教堂、給我買寵物、帶我騎馬、上鋼琴課。每天,她都告訴我她愛我。但是愛還不足以撫慰我的傷痛。我一直等著她改變主意,“如果我做的事足夠壞,她也會像過去的那些人一樣拋棄我的。” 所以我努力在她傷害我之前先傷害她。我為了一些小事而吵鬧,一不順心就發(fā)脾氣。我猛地關(guān)上門。如果媽媽試圖阻攔,我就打她。但是她從未失去耐心。她擁抱我,告訴我無論怎樣,她都愛我。當(dāng)我發(fā)狂般胡鬧時,她就讓我在蹦床上跳。 但是,由于我忙于搬往她家,跟她一起住,所以功課落下了,媽媽對家庭作業(yè)要求很嚴(yán)格。一天,當(dāng)我正在看電視時,她進(jìn)來關(guān)了電視。“做完功課再看。”她說。我一下子火了,把書全都扔到了地上。“我討厭你,我要離開這里!”我狂喊著。 我等她說讓我離開。但是她沒有,我問:“你為什么不趕我走?” “我是不喜歡你的行為,”她說,“但我是不會趕你走的。我們是一家人,一家人就不能拋棄對方。” 她的話深深觸動了我。這個媽媽不同,她是不會趕我走的。她是真的愛我。我意識到我也愛她。我哭了,抱住了她。 1985年,媽媽正式收養(yǎng)了我,我們一家人在飯店好好慶祝了一下。我感到自己已經(jīng)是他們中的一員了,但還是有些恐懼。媽媽會永遠(yuǎn)愛我嗎?我的臭脾氣不會馬上消失的。但是幾個月過去了,我真的很少發(fā)火了。 現(xiàn)在,我已經(jīng)16歲了。功課水平已經(jīng)達(dá)到3.4級了,有了匹叫“短劍”的馬、四只貓、一條狗、六只鴿子和一只養(yǎng)在后院池塘的牛蛙。我有一個夢想:想成為一名獸醫(yī)。 我喜歡和媽媽一起做事,喜歡購物和騎馬。當(dāng)有人說我們長得像時,我們都笑了。他們不相信她并不是我的生母。 現(xiàn)在,我比想象中的還要開心。當(dāng)我長大以后,我要結(jié)婚生子,但是如果不能實現(xiàn),我也會像媽媽那樣收養(yǎng)一個。我會選擇一個恐懼而寂寞的孩子,決不放棄她。我也要感謝媽媽,因為她從未拋棄我。 |
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