All emotions are neither “good” or “bad” to have, they are something that every single person will experience in their life and I think it is very important to let children experience them too. The key is teaching children how to identify their emotions and deal with them in a healthy way.

　　北京君誠雙語國際學校中學輔導主任顧問：Valery Cooper 專訪

　　2006年至2010年期間，Valery Cooper在英國利茲大學獲得日語學士學位，并赴東京的女子學院進行交流。次年，她在利茲大學獲得了心理學碩士學位�？v觀Valery Cooper的職業(yè)生涯中，基于心理學專業(yè)學習，她已經(jīng)擔任學校輔導員近十年。她還獲得了一些專業(yè)會員資格，包括英國心理學會;臨床, 咨詢和教育心理學部(No. 276809)，美國學校輔導員協(xié)會(No.214545)，國際大學入學咨詢協(xié)會| IACAC(專業(yè)會員)，國際學校輔導員協(xié)會| ISCA(專業(yè)會員)等會員資格。

　　Valery Cooper got her BA in Japanese at the University of Leeds, UK and exchanged at a Women’s College in Tokyo from 2006 to 2010. In the following year, she achieved MSc Psychology at the University of Leeds. Throughout Valery’s career, based on the professional study in Psychology, Valery has been worked as school Counsellor for almost ten years. She also achieved some professional memberships including British Psychological Society; Divisions of Clinical, Counselling, and Educational Psychology (No. 276809), American School Counselor Association (No. 214545), International Association for College Admission Counseling | IACAC, International School Counselor Association | ISCA, etc.

　　1“如果孩子們看到你也閱讀了，他們很可能自己拿起一本書”

　　小君：Cooper女士您好。您是心理學方面的專家，想請教您，對于低齡兒童來說，如何培養(yǎng)他們的專注力?為什么有的孩子看電視和ipad很專注，看書的時候就不行?

　　SIBS：Hello, Ms. Cooper. You are an expert in psychology. I want to ask you how to cultivate their ability in concentration for young children? Why can some children be very focused on watching TV and playing the iPad but not on reading a book?

　　Valery：電視和我們看屏幕的時間是今天的一個熱門話題,它包括了很多復雜的因素。在 iPad 上有彩色的動作游戲,電視上有很多點播的精彩內(nèi)容,而對于我們(成人)來說,有時不被他們吸引也是一個不小的挑戰(zhàn),所以對于一個年幼的孩子來說,這當然是很困難的一件事。

　　Valery：TV and screen time is definitely a hot topic nowadays that has a lot of complex elements to it. There is a lot of on-demand exciting content on TV and full-color motion games on iPads, and it is a challenge for us (adults) not to get carried away sometimes, so of course it will be difficult for a young child.

　　Valery：完全擺脫現(xiàn)代技術是不可能的,但制定規(guī)則,限制孩子們在iPad上看電視或玩多久。鼓勵孩子閱讀,幫助他們發(fā)現(xiàn)讀書的樂趣，這是我們(成人)可以做的事情。孩子們是通過觀察來學習的,如果他們看到你也閱讀了,他們可能會想自己拿起一本書,看看書里面到底有什么是那么有意思的!

　　Valery：It’s impossible to get rid of technology completely, but it is a good idea to establish rules and put limits on how long children can watch TV for or play on iPad. Encouraging children to read and let them discover how it can be a lot of fun is also something you can help with. As children learn a lot by observing, if they see you read, they will probably want to pick up a book themselves to see what is so interesting!

　　2“所有的情緒都不應該用‘好’或‘壞’來定義”

　　小君：對于父母來說，教會孩子控制情緒是一個大問題，對此您有什么建議?

　　SIBS：For parents, it is a big question to teachchildren to control their emotions. What advice do you have for this?

　　Valery：我的建議是 ——不要控制他們!所有的情緒都不應該用"好"或"壞"來定義,他們是每個人在生活中都會經(jīng)歷的東西。我認為讓孩子們也學會體驗它們是非常重要的。關鍵是教孩子如何識別自己的情緒,并保持健康的方式對待他們。有時,當我們故意壓抑情緒時,結(jié)果可能是情緒一再被積壓、積壓，隨著時間的推移,積壓得難以忍受,如果不適當?shù)靥幚?它就可能會爆發(fā)出來。

　　Valery：My radical advice is - don’t control them! All emotions are neither “good” or “bad” to have, they are something that every single person will experience in their life and I think it is very important to let children experience them too. The key is teaching children how to identify their emotions and deal with them in a healthy way. Sometimes, when we bottle-up emotions, the result can be something that builds and builds and, over time, becomes so unbearable that it will explode if not dealt with appropriately.

　　Valery：例如，鼓勵孩子們說出自己的想法， 找出來讓他們沮喪的原因，比壓抑這些情緒要好很多。有時候當孩子知道讓自己生氣的原因之后，也能幫他們渡過難關。當你們在一起交談時，就意味著你關心他們的生活，而且愿意傾聽和幫助。

　　Valery：For example, rather than getting them to suppressing their anger, encourage your son/daughter to talk it out - find out what it is that they are finding frustrating. Sometimes simply acknowledging that something is making them angry can help them move on, but if you can talk about, you are sending a message that you care about what goes on in their life and that you are available to listen and help.

　　3“確保溝通的順暢，保持一致是至關重要的”

　　小君：在中國，大部分家庭，由于父母雙方都要工作，在孩子的小時候都是由雙方老人帶大的，由此也造成了很多問題，比如父母一輩和爺爺奶奶一輩對于教育理念的差異，長時間由爺爺奶奶帶大的孩子往往獨立性不強、容易溺愛等等。您對此有什么看法?

　　SIBS：In China, in most families, both parents have to work, so most children are brought up by the elderly, which causes many problems, such as divergence of the educational concept between the generation of parents and grandparents. Children who are brought up by grandparents for a long time are often not independent, spoiled, and so on. What do you think of this?

　　Valery：我在中國和馬來西亞工作期間，我經(jīng)常發(fā)現(xiàn)家庭間的關系是如此的親密。和來自北京的孩子們聊天的時候，他們都告訴我，希望能讓他們的父母為他們驕傲，并且都很感激父母為他們做的一切。我覺得在如此小的年紀有這種負責任的想法是值得欽佩的。

　　Valery：During my time working in China and Malaysia, I always found it astonishing how much love there is and how close the family relationships are. When I speak to young people from such backgrounds they always tell me that they want to do well to please their parents, and that they know and appreciate how much their parents do for them. I think it is admirable to have a sense of responsibility and awareness at such a young age.

　　Valery：在過去的十年里， 人們對上學、教育的理念、養(yǎng)育孩子的觀念都有了天翻地覆的變化。在多代人共同培養(yǎng)一個孩子的情況下， 確保溝通的順暢，保持一致是至關重要的。我在國際教學中發(fā)現(xiàn)的一個最大的變化就是，更多的中國家長變得更能接受討論不同的問題，并且和學校一起解決問題 。

　　Valery：In the past decades, schooling and ideas about education and what is important in raising children have definitely changed. When there are multiple generations involved in a child’s life it is even more important to make sure that you are communicating to find common ground. One of the greatest changes I noticed in the time I’ve been working internationally, is that many Chinese parents have become more open with talking about different issues, and are happy to work together with the school to find solutions.

　　4“青少年時期是對家長和孩子的雙重考驗”

　　小君：您在國際學校工作了很多年，您認為，君誠的家長應該如何在家配合學校的教育工作?

　　SIBS：You have been working in international schools for many years. What’s your opinion on how parents of SIBS cooperate with the school in education?

　　Valery：我的大門永遠向家長和學生敞開，我一直秉承著家校緊密合作的理念，讓所有人都信息共享，讓家長知道我們的期望有哪些，以及如何幫助孩子。我們顯然需要透明的溝通渠道來達到這一點。

　　Valery：I always have an open door policy for students and for parents! My view is that there should be a very close cooperative relationship between the school and the home, so that everyone gets the same message about what is happening, how parents can help, and what the expectations are. To achieve all that, there definitely needs to be clear communication.

　　Valery：有一些家長沒有經(jīng)歷過有學校顧問/輔導員/學生導師這一類角色的學校。我的工作重點就是為大家提供孩子在不同年齡段需要的信息和幫助，以如何選擇大學的信息。青少年時期是對孩子和家長的雙重考驗，但是我會告訴家長們，我會一直支持著你們!我也覺得家長之間互相交流也有不少好處，有過相同經(jīng)驗的家庭可以提供不少的經(jīng)驗。

　　Valery：Some parents who haven’t been in a school that has a counseling position may not know exactly what my role is. One of my biggest jobs is to help provide information and support your needs as your son or daughter goes through the different stages of school and starts looking at options for college. Adolescence in particular is a difficult transitionary time for both students and parents, but I always tell families that I am here to support you! I also find that sometimes it helps having parents talk things out with other parents, as they often realise that other families are going through the same things.