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    Do As the Americans Do

    在美國(guó)學(xué)會(huì)入鄉(xiāng)隨俗

    Be confident.“Confidence” is probably one of the most noticeable traits in the Americans. They show confidence in the way they talk， the way they smile， the way they dress and the way they walk. Living and competing with all these confident American students， I find it extremely important to be confident as an international student and instructor. As a student， being confident means you should never hesitate to raise your hand whenever a question or a point comes to your mind. Don‘t mind if it sounds simple or silly. Otherwise you will never get a chance to speak in class at all. What’s worse， the professors may think you are not prepared for the discussion or you do not have your own opinion on the issue——this is the last comment any graduate would like to receive. Being confident for me as a foreign instructor means calmly asking the student to repeat what he or she has said if I did not get it. Pretending to understand what you actually did not may just bring yourself embarrassment or even disgrace. But the time I most need to be confident is when my students come to my office and bargain about the grades I have given for their speeches. （The course I‘m teaching here is Public Speaking）。 Modesty is a trait highly valued in China， but it won’t be of much help here if you want to survive and succeed in a good American graduate program.

    要自信。自信大概是美國(guó)人比較顯著的特征之一。他們?cè)谂c人交談、微笑、著裝及走路的姿勢(shì)中都表現(xiàn)出一種自信。與這些充滿自信的美國(guó)學(xué)生一起生活和競(jìng)爭(zhēng)，作為一個(gè)外國(guó)學(xué)生和老師，自信顯得極為重要。作為學(xué)生，自信意味著有問(wèn)題或看法時(shí)隨時(shí)舉手發(fā)言。不要去想這問(wèn)題或看法是否太簡(jiǎn)單或可笑。否則你在課堂上永遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)有說(shuō)話的機(jī)會(huì)。更糟糕的是，教授們可能會(huì)認(rèn)為你對(duì)課堂討論沒(méi)有準(zhǔn)備，或認(rèn)為你對(duì)討論的問(wèn)題沒(méi)有自己的看法——這是任何一個(gè)研究生都不愿意受到的評(píng)價(jià)。我作為外國(guó)老師，自信就意味著，如果我沒(méi)聽(tīng)清楚學(xué)生的話，便要沉著地請(qǐng)他或她重復(fù)一下。沒(méi)有聽(tīng)懂而假裝聽(tīng)懂，可能會(huì)讓你尷尬甚至丟丑。對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)比較需要自信的時(shí)候，是我的學(xué)生到辦公室來(lái)爭(zhēng)論我對(duì)他們所做演講的評(píng)分（我教的課名叫“公共演講”）。謙虛在中國(guó)是很受推崇的，可要在一個(gè)好的美國(guó)研究生院生存和成功的話，它幫助不大。

    Be polite. Coming from a country known for good manners and etiquette， I certainly was not prepared for the embarrassment I experienced during my first shopping. The cashier said，“Hello， ma‘am， did you have a nice day？” I looked around and behind before I realized that he was actually talking to me. Fortunately， I quickly figured out how to be polite in the American way. Being polite means keeping saying “Hello， how are you doing？” to anyone you run into anywhere——in the hallway， in the restroom or on the street. Never bother about how he or she is really doing. Neither should you bother others with your troubles even if you are not doing very well. People are just too busy to really care. Just remember to give your greeting even if you have no time to listen to the response. Being polite also means smiling to strangers you meet in the elevator， on the street， in the supermarket or mall. The safest way is to smile and say “hi” to anyone who has eye contact with you.（The Americans never use nodding as a way of greeting.） Of course， being polite also means expressing your appreciation verbally or via email or note whenever anybody does a favor for you. Never take any favor from anybody for granted.

    要有禮貌。來(lái)自一個(gè)以禮儀著稱的國(guó)度的我，對(duì)第一次去購(gòu)物出現(xiàn)的尷尬局面毫無(wú)準(zhǔn)備。收銀員說(shuō)：“你好，太太，你今天過(guò)得好嗎？”我環(huán)顧前后左右才意識(shí)到他是在與我打招呼。幸運(yùn)的是，我很快明白了美國(guó)人的禮貌之道。這意味著隨時(shí)隨地——不管是在樓道里，還是在洗手間，還是在路上，不斷對(duì)人說(shuō) ：“你好，怎么樣呀？”。不用理會(huì)他或她到底怎么樣。也不要拿你的事去煩別人，即便你真有不順心的事。大家都太忙了，無(wú)暇顧及他人。只是記住一定要問(wèn)候別人，哪怕你都沒(méi)時(shí)間聽(tīng)完對(duì)方的回答。有禮貌還表現(xiàn)在你在電梯里、街上、超市或商場(chǎng)里向遇到的陌生人微笑。比較保險(xiǎn)的方法是對(duì)任何與你有眼神交流的人微笑并說(shuō)聲“嗨！”。（美國(guó)人從來(lái)不用點(diǎn)頭來(lái)作為一種打招呼的方式。）當(dāng)然， 有禮貌還表現(xiàn)在，不管什么時(shí)候什么人幫了你的忙，都要口頭或通過(guò)電子郵件或便條表示你的感激之情。決不要把人家給你幫的忙看成是理所當(dāng)然的事。

    Be generous with your compliments. I wonder whether the Americans‘ confidence has anything to do with all those compliments they give to each other all the time. Compliments are exchanged between parents and children， between husband and wife， between friends or acquaintances， on every achievement or advance， major or minor. On a daily basis， they tend to give compliments on others’ appearance. So be sure to be quick at finding out if anybody is wearing anything new or impressive and remember to say，“You look awfully smart in this new shirt！” or “I really like your jacket！” or “That bag looks real cool”。 If you can‘t find anything new， then you can simply say，“Hey， you look great today！” As a teacher， I have learned to give generous compliments to my students whenever they put a question to me. I would say， “That’s a really good question”or“That‘s an interesting point” before I proceed to explain or give an answer， although the question may be ridiculous or foolish sometimes. There are certainly a lot of other things I’ve learned and adjusted to here， but there are also things that I know I will never be able to learn： shouting as a way of talking to your friends in the bar on Friday night， or driving at breakneck speed， winding down the windows of your car and playing rock‘n’roll at full volume so as to deafen every passenger on the road.

    多夸獎(jiǎng)別人。我懷疑美國(guó)人的自信是與他們不斷給予彼此的夸獎(jiǎng)有關(guān)。只要有成就或進(jìn)步，不管大小，父母與孩子之間、夫妻之間、朋友之間、熟人之間都會(huì)互相夸獎(jiǎng)。在平日里，他們都喜歡夸獎(jiǎng)別人的外表。所以，要善于及時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)別人是否穿了新的或令人印象深刻的衣服，并要記住說(shuō)：“你穿這新襯衣真靚！”“我真喜歡你的外套！”“你那背包真夠酷的！”如果你實(shí)在找不出什么新東西，你就干脆說(shuō)：“嘿，你今天看起來(lái)真精神！”作為老師，我學(xué)會(huì)了不管什么時(shí)候?qū)W生提問(wèn)都予以熱情表?yè)P(yáng)。我會(huì)說(shuō)：“這個(gè)問(wèn)題提得真好”或“這個(gè)看法很有意思”，然后我再予以解答，盡管有時(shí)候那問(wèn)題可能很可笑或很傻。當(dāng)然，我在這兒還學(xué)會(huì)了許多其他東西，但我知道也有許多東西我永遠(yuǎn)也學(xué)不來(lái)。比如，周五的晚上去酒吧以喊叫的方式與朋友交談；或以快得可怕的速度開(kāi)著車，把所有的車窗玻璃都搖下，放著搖滾樂(lè)，把音量調(diào)到比較大，讓路上的每一個(gè)行人都震耳欲聾……